Sensory differences can impact many parts of a person’s life, including intimacy!
Sensory Differences and Intimacy
Disordered sensory processing can affect individuals with all types of neurodivergence, including those on the Autism Spectrum.
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What is Sensory Processing?
Sensory processing/integration is the process of receiving information, organizing it through our senses, and using it to participate in everyday activities
Did you know that there are 8 Sensory Systems!
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Visual
Sight
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Auditory
Hearing
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Gustatory
Taste
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Olfactory
Smell
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Tactile
Touch
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Vestibular
Awareness of Movement and Place in Space
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Proprioceptive
Body Awareness
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Interoception
Awareness of Internal Body Sensations
Sensory experiences during intimacy can vary and be unpredictable.
People may seek certain sensations and struggle to make sense of others.
It is common for individuals to be over-responsive in one system and under-responsive in another.
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There are two different types of disordered sensory processing
Hypersensitivity and hyposensitivity are opposite terms that describe how people process sensory information
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People with hypersensitivity are over-responsive to sensory stimuli, and may experience overstimulation.
For example, they may find noises, textures, colors, or odors to be bothersome, painful, or overwhelming.
They may also get overwhelmed with emotions, or have strong reactions to certain foods
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People with hyposensitivity are under-responsive to sensory stimuli, and may experience little to no response to stimuli.
For example, they may have a hard time sitting still, or may not feel food in their mouths.
They may also crave more sensory input, such as fast, intense movement, or being tossed in the air.
The More You Know…
Sensory sensitivity during sexual activity is NOTHING to be embarrassed about.
Our environment can be very stimulating
which can be overwhelming and distracting during intimacy.
Confusion, distress, frustration, and even pain can be reduced or eliminated by educating ourselves and our partners, communicating our needs before, during, and after intimacy, and adjusting our environment.
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Keep Reading to Learn More About
Sensory Differences During Intimacy and Potential Solutions
How Can Sight Affect Intimacy?
Sensory Concern: Bright Lights
Can be agitating during intimacy!
Potential Solutions:
Dim or turn off overhead lights.
Try candles
Close window curtains
It is OKAY to close your eyes during intimacy- giving or maintaining eye contact during intimacy is NOT required
How Can Hearing Affect Intimacy?
Sensory Concern: Background Noises
Environmental noises such as music, television, or roommates speaking may be very distracting during intimacy moments!
Potential Solutions:
Find a quite and private place to be intimate.
Communicate with your partner is you want to integrate music into your intimate moments
Sensory Concern: Partner’s Noises
Yes- even pleasurable noises!
Potential Solutions:
Communication is KEY!
Talk with you partner before engaging in intimate activities to describe what noises you are comfortable with and which noises you are not comfortable with.
How Can TASTE Affect Intimacy?
Sensory Concern: Genitals
Some people are sensitive to the taste of their partner’s genitals
Potential Solutions:
Hygiene is important!
Communicate with your partner if you prefer for them to bath or use baby wipes to freshen up before intimacy
Sensory Concern: Breath
Some people are sensitive to the taste of their partners breath
Potential Solutions:
Communicate with your partner if you prefer to brush their teeth before intimacy
Sensory Concern: Saliva
Sharing saliva can be distressing to some people
Potential Solutions:
Communicate with your partner if you prefer kissing to be dry and saliva-free
Sensory Concern: Flavors and Tastes
Some people may find different flavors and tastes difficult to process
Flavors can come from lipstick, lip glass, breath mints gum, toothpaste, personal lubrication
Potential Solutions:
Communicate with your partner and choose flavors that your partner enjoys or avoid flavorful products altogether
How Can Smell Affect Intimacy?
Sensory Concern: Strong Smells
Perfume, cologne, laundry detergent, natural body odor can negatively impact a person with disordered sensory processing
Potential Solutions:
Avoid strong smelling lotions, body sprays, hair gels, deodorants, and perfumes
Switch to a no scent laundry detergent
Remove air fresheners and candles from the room
Use no-scent baby wipes, fabric clothes, and soap to clean your body before, during, and after intimacy
Sensory Concern: Genitals
Some people are sensitive to the smell of their partner’s genitals
Potential Solutions:
Remember: Hygiene is important!
Communicate with your partner if you prefer for them to bath or use baby wipes to freshen up before intimacy
Sensory Concern: Breath
Some people are sensitive to the taste of their partners breath
How Can TOUCH Affect Intimacy?
Sensory Concern: Physical Touch
Some people may not like hugs or embraces (hyposensitive)
Some people may seek out a lot of touch or intense physical experiences (hypersensitive)
Potential Solutions:
Before engaging in physical intimacy with your partner(s), ask them about their desired level of touch (or lack thereof)
Sensory Concern: Sensitivity to Cold/Hot
Some people may negatively react to the temperature in a room or the temperature of their partners’ body parts
Potential Solutions:
Communication is KEY!
Use fans, heaters, or blankets to adjust to your comfort level and sensory preferences
How Can Vestibular Input Affect Intimacy?
Sensory Concern: Different Head Positions
Some people may feel disoriented or sensitive to different head positions ( hyposensitive)
Some people may seek out intense movements or positions (hypersensitive)
Potential Solutions:
Communication is KEY!
Let your partner know which positions and movement work best for you and your sensory needs.
Take breaks during intimacy to rebalance or re-align your body
You have the right to feel comfortable during intimacy!
How Can Proprioceptive Input Affect Intimacy?
Sensory Concern: Movements that are uncoordinated
Some people may struggle to understand how much force they are exerting with their body/muscles
Some people may also struggle with understanding where their arms and legs are in relation to the rest of their body or their partners’ body
Potential Solutions:
Before engaging in physical intimacy with your partner(s), ask them about their desired level of touch (or lack thereof)
Before intimacy scan your environment and more any furniture or personal items that may be a tripping hazard
Communicate with your partner and give them time to establish their sense of body awareness before, during, and after intimacy!
How Can Interoception Input Affect Intimacy?
Sensory Concern: Difficultly knowing when you feel hurt, tired, cold, warm, hungry, thirsty, or sexually aroused.
Interoception differences can also affect a person’s emotional regulation within themselves and others
Difficulty understanding with partners’ non-verbal cues
Potential Solutions:
Communication is KEY!
Use visual cues to communicate if needed
Navigating Intimacy with Sensory Processing Differences Can Be Challenging But Not Impossible
Addition tips to help minimize sensory sensitivity concerns during intimacy
Find a good routine
Communicate with your partner(s) what to expect
Allow space for yourself and your partner(s) to regulate
Understand your partners needs, boundaries, what they like, and what they do not like
Act out the following:
You just started to see someone you met on a dating app. You have gone a a few dates and have expressed interest in you coming back to their house to hang out. You are nervous because you struggle with body awareness at times and can feel uneasy in places that are unfamiliar.
Role Play Scenarios
Act out the following:
You and your partner have been hanging out for six months now, and things have started to heat up. You two have shared a couple of kisses, but you have had a negative sensory experience as they have used an open mouth and tongue to "make out." This is not something you enjoy. You want to keep kissing and enjoying intimate moments with them, but the thought of the taste and smell of open-mouth kissing is not something you want to keep doing.
Act out the following:
You and your partner have been dating for two months, and things have heated up. You haven't had sex. You know you struggle with prolonged eye contact, and when it is forced, it can be very overstimulating; you know your empathy threshold and want to communicate with your partner before engaging in intimacy.
Everyone is deserving of safe and fulfilling intimacy
What People Are Saying
“My partner and I were able to use the ideas presented throughout the program to build tools to address my sensitivity to taste and smell- game changer.”
— Quote Source
“I feel less alone! I can’t wait to take an online class and continue to develop my confidence communicating inside and outside the bedroom.”
— Quote Source